Note to self — don’t start a six month commitment to MKMMA (Master Key Mastermind Alliance) by going out of town and being unavailable for the first couple of days.
Unless of course you want a severe case of overwhelmitis while hurrying to play catch up all week. Which is what I’ve basically done in Week One. For instance, getting my DMP (Definiteness of Purpose) and this blog post done just in the nick of time. Scrambling to figure out tangible commitments from honor commitments and trying to honor both.
And then there’s watching webcasts and reading, and let’s not forget reading aloud! It seems as if I studied more in the last three days then I have since my final finals week in college over 30 years ago!
And though college memories are a bit hazy, I believe I missed a few classes back then as well.
So this living on the razors edge around deadlines and hurrying to catch up all the time isn’t the first time I’ve played this game.
Which gives me pause.
What is the belief about myself that causes me to set up my life that way?
Am I an adrenaline junkie? Do I need manufactured excitement of just getting in under the gun, to feel more alive in the world? Am I poor at time management? Or simply unlucky? (After all I planned the trip before I booked the class).
No. Yes. No. No.
The real truth is that it’s a trifecta shadow belief that 1) “I’m special” — so rules don’t apply to me. 2) Rebelling against authority — fight the power! And 3) not feeling worthy enough.
And too often in my life — these shadow beliefs have been driving my bus. Creating stress, procrastination, feeling overwhelmed, failure, guilt, self-loathing and sometimes shame.
So facing these destructive shadow beliefs are one of the reasons I’m taking this 6-month MKMMA journey. I want to replace my self-defeating beliefs with self-empowering ones. Bad habits that don’t serve me with good habits that do. Instead of chasing my life, (or running away from it) I want to fully step into my life and walk into a new, more expansive and more expressive reality of who I am.
And although I started week one in the familiar territory of playing catch up and diving under deadlines, with all the stress that goes with it. I end the week strong. And hopeful. And committed to MKMMA as the vehicle to take me on this journey.
Thanks for stopping by!