Week 18: The Crack in the Wall.

Crack in the Wall.

Two weeks ago I posted about hitting the wall. (week 17). Note I didn’t write a blog post for week 17HJ. Because…well…because of that damn wall. That missing blog post is a defiant testament to the mightiness of my wall.

Ironically it’s a totally invisible wall. One created by years of my own ego, thoughts. Fears. Insecurities.  And even though no one can see the wall. It’s there. I feel it every day.

It’s a wall built by my old blueprint. Guarded by my risk managers who makes sure I don’t go beyond it’s boundaries. (Not that I’d want to.)

But this isn’t another post about hitting the wall. It’s about how a tiny little question, could crack such a sturdy well-built wall.

The question came out of our last MKMMA class.

What would the person I intend to become do next? 

You wouldn’t think a simple question like that could take down a wall. Especially one I so  painstakingly built to protect and provide comfort to little old me.

But damn if that puny little question didn’t put a crack in my wall the first time I read it. And cracked it a little bit more each and every time I’ve read it since.

It’s a conniving little question, because it correctly assumes that you already know the answer. But I think what makes it a deadly wall breaker is the very last word—next.

You see if it just said what would the person I intend to become do?, it would have way overshot my wall. Because that’s a big overwhelming pie in the sky answer — one that my defenses would have easily deflected.  Because I ain’t going way out there.

But the sentence doesn’t end there. It ends with the word…next.

And that little sneaky four-letter word at the end of that innocent-sounding, but oh-so-deadly, old-blueprint-killing question is one hellvua strategic pinprick. It found (made?) just the right opening to reverberate through my thick brick and mortar until it chiseled to the very core of my foundation and cracked it wide open.

Because not only do I know what to do, big picture wise. I know what to do next. Geez.

And it’s really, really hard to defend standing your ground. To remain living inside your wall of comfort. When all you need to do NEXT, to move one tiny fracking step forward towards (cue trumpet horns) Definite Main Purpose in life, is a really simple, stupid little thing…

…like to write this blog post.

Crack.